My Soul is a Stained Glass Window: The Ethereal Beauty of Reconciliation

I confess to Almighty God and to you, my brothers and sisters, that today I went to a special Lenten Reconciliation service. As it often is at such events, the music, including one of my favorite hymns Hosea, was achingly beautiful, not dour but focused more on repentance and forgiveness than upon sin and its consequences.

Without going into the sordid details of the transgressions I confessed to, I’ll say that while I’m waiting for my turn to speak to the priest I’m always a trembling bundle of nerves, convinced I’m the most vile creature in human history. Seriously, my ardent prayers to St. Peter to give me the courage to repent my sins just like he did after that cock crowed for the third time are probably the only explanation for my not fleeing from the Church, screaming like a banshee. St. Peter has really been very generous to me over the years, keeping me company in a spiritual sense as I bite off my nails before Reconciliation. I picture him in Heaven with a harp, hearing my fervent entreaties and saying, “Ah, she’s at Confession again. Better help her out. She can’t do this on her own. She’s nearly had a nervous breakdown already.”

The raw truth is it’s just not easy to admit to someone else that your soul has gotten quite dirty. Most of us want to present a good face to the world. That’s why we smile politely at someone whom we’re fighting the overwhelming urge to strangle. We’d like everybody to believe that our inside is as clean and beautiful as the outside we present to the world. Unfortunately, that isn’t true, and Reconciliation, painfully and wonderfully, reminds us of that fact. Reconciliation humbles us because it teaches us that, no matter how forcefully we scrub at our exteriors, we can’t clean our interiors.

At the same time, Reconciliation heals our wounds and dries our tears, since it assures us that we don’t need to clean our interiors; Jesus will gladly do that for us as long as we can swallow our egos long enough to make such a request of Him. That’s why, however nervous and miserable I am before Reconciliation, I always walk away from the sacrament feeling utterly overcome by the strength of God’s love for me. Like the Bible says, I know that He has put my sins as far away from me as the East is from the West, and that, though my sins were like scarlet, they became as white as snow. I feel weightless, because I’m blissfully free of the burden of sin. The long moments leading up to Reconciliation are painful and humbling, but they make the moments after Reconciliation all the more beautiful and awe-inspiring.

I wasn’t the only one who sought God’s forgiveness today. The pews were packed as they normally are at such services, and that, incidentally, is one of the reasons why I never actually accept dire prognoses about the Catholic Church dying out in America. Sure, there are a lot of struggling Catholics in America, but when it comes down to it, most of them just want to find comfort and safety in the rich heritage of our faith. That’s why lines to use the confessionals are always so long at Lenten Reconciliation services. In the deep recesses of his or her soul, almost every Catholic has a homing beacon that tells him or her that the sacrament of Reconciliation is the ticket to finding the Alpha and the Omega.

Tragically, over the centuries since the Protestant Reformation and the growth of secularism, this lovely, healing sacrament has been misrepresented and vilified by a veritable host of non-Catholics who take a lot of umbrage at a religious rite nobody is going to force them to participate in. Many have misconceptions about the sacrament of Reconciliation often simultaneously subscribing to such contradictory opinions that Reconciliation is at once too humiliating to be a good venue for attaining God’s forgiveness and that Reconciliation much too easily can be a sham of repentance, allowing someone to gain forgiveness for sins they are not sorry for committing. This post aims to deal with some of those wrong ideas, so that Catholics will feel more comfortable availing themselves of this healing sacrament, and non-Catholics will at least have a better sense of what actually goes on in a confessional. As always, the objective of this post isn’t to confront anyone; it’s just to explain the Catholic perspective that can seem a bit strange to outsiders. Getting down to business, let’s answer the first common question:

Isn’t going to Reconciliation really embarrassing? Why would Jesus want to put you through that kind of torture?

Going to Reconciliation is humiliating but in the best possible sense of being a purely humbling experience. Reconciliation isn’t about being bullied by a priest. It’s about being a mature Christian prepared to admit to your sins aloud. This short video does a great and engaging job of explaining how Jesus and the Church want you to perceive Reconciliation, and this one articulates quite well why Catholics are not actually being masochistic by confessing their sins to a priest. Reconciliation strips us of our pride for a few moments, but that isn’t a bad thing, because, all too often, it’s our pride that prevents us from experiencing Christ’s grace. Ultimately, we put ourselves through the agony of our sins. Reconciliation just helps us realize how painful our sins are for ourselves and others, as well as providing a channel for us to be delivered of the eternal agony associated with committing those sins. Through Reconciliation, Jesus doesn’t put us through torture; He heals us. Perhaps the rubbing alcohol stings at first, but ultimately it’s cleansing.

Why don’t you just confess your sins to Jesus and trust Him to forgive you?

Like most Protestants, Catholics will repent of their sins every night when they say their prayers before bed. That means Catholics confess their sins to Jesus every day and trust Him to forgive them. A Catholic’s daily prayers are like brushing his or her teeth twice a day, and going to Reconciliation is akin to visiting the dentist for routine cleanings. It should also be understood that, during Reconciliation, the priest is considered in the person of Christ, so while participating in this sacrament, a Catholic is confessing his or her sins to Jesus and trusting Him to forgive him or her.

Why involve a priest, though? Do you really believe that he has the power to forgive your sins?

Catholics speak to a priest during the sacrament of Reconciliation, because we sincerely believe that was what Jesus was instructing us to do when He told us to confess our sins to one another. We believe that when Christ sent His apostles out to forgive others as He had forgiven them that mission did not end with His apostles and is still being carried out by His Church today. In a nutshell, we believe that priests can absolve us of our sins through the sacrament of Reconciliation because God, Who is the ultimate authority in the universe, gave them that power. This can be a difficult concept to explain to those who don’t believe in apostolic succession, but this video along with this one provides a solid start in beginning to understand why Catholics confess their sins to a priest during the sacrament of Reconciliation.

Isn’t Reconciliation a really easy way to receive forgiveness? Can’t you just tell yourself that you’ll be going to Reconciliation tomorrow, so it’s no big deal if you sin since you can just receive forgiveness anyway?

I’ve never heard a Catholic speak about going to Reconciliation in a casual way. Without exception, every Catholic I’ve ever heard talk about Reconciliation acknowledges that the moments leading up to it are painful and humbling. Nobody who has waited with knocking knees to account for their sins would consider the process something easy. That being said, any Catholic who thinks before committing a sin, “Well, it’s no big deal if I do this because I can just go to Reconciliation and be forgiven for it later,” is also guilty of the separate, serious sin of presumption. This separate, serious sin would need to be confessed to as well in order for forgiveness to be obtained, and you can imagine that penance might be a bit more severe in this case…

Can I trust the priest not to go blabbing my sins in his next homily?

You can absolutely trust a priest to keep whatever you say to him during the sacrament of Reconciliation private. Church law requires priests to remain confidential about the sins confessed to them. Not only does this mean that a priest can’t tell a third party about your misadventures, it also means that the priest himself cannot bring your sins up to you once he has spoken the absolution. As the penitent, you are at liberty to tell Father Tom about how you are progressing with your lying problem or your cursing problem, but Father Tom can’t ask you about those things while your shaking his hand after Mass. Any priest who dared to shout your particular sins from the pulpit would be committing a grave violation of canon law, rest assured.

I’ve learned a lot about Reconciliation, but I want to discover more. Where else can I turn to for information?

Online Scott Hahn has an excellent lecture on the topic, as does Father Micheal Payyapilly. In person, whether you are Catholic or non-Catholic, you can always visit your local parish to set up an appointment with a priest to answer any questions you might have about Reconciliation or any other sacrament.

 

Oil Spill: The Dallas Eakins and Taylor Hall Conflagration as an Ego-Driven Blowup

Like every sport, hockey has its fair share of water bottle mishaps. Just ask Dustin Brown, who dripped water all down the front of his jersey when he obviously forget which end of the bottle he was supposed to sip out of, and who would still would prefer to pretend that nobody noticed that embarrassing incident. During Edmonton’s recent 8-1 loss to rival Calgary Flames on home ice, Oilers’ head coach, Dallas Eakins, and star winger Taylor Hall added their own water bottle misadventure to hockey’s ongoing saga.

Since I spend my spare cash overpaying for NHL Game Center so I can enjoy out of market games and I’m too lazy to change the default setting on the stream from “home” to “away” unless the commentators have annoying accents like the Nashville ones, I had the pleasure of watching the Eakins and Hall water bottle debacle live through the Edmonton stream on NHL Game Center. For those of you who were not watching the Flames butcher the Oilers, you can drink in the water bottle incident here, and I suggest that you do so since that footage will be the focus for the rest of my post, assuming I can stay on topic for once.

All right, now that you’ve hopefully done as I requested and watched the NHL’s latest water bottle breakdown, I’ll draw attention to some points that I see as particularly salient and then analyze why this meltdown reflects poorly on Eakins as it violates both the conventions associated with both an effective poised, cool coach and a motivational fiery, passionate one, either of which can be successful and respectable at the NHL level. To begin my discussion, I’ll state that, to me, the pivotal points in this Eakins and Hall conflict are the following:
1) After taking a drink of water following a rough shift on ice, a frustrated Taylor Hall throws the bottle down on the bench with more force than necessary to accomplish the task.
2) The inertia of the aforementioned toss causes the bottle to break upon contact with the bench.
3) The contents of the broken bottle spray those surrounding Hall, including Eakins.
4) Eakins glares at Hall and begins yelling at Hall presumably for throwing the bottle and getting Eakins’ suit and hair wet.
5) Eakins scoops up a towel and dries off his hands and hair in elaborately slow motion, continuing his tirade about Hall’s water bottle display sprinkling his suit and hair.
6) David Perron, Hall’s teammate, twists around to urge his coach to calm down if his hand gestures are any indication and then studies his soaked jersey.
7) Hall looks over his shoulder at Eakins while he is being berated. Then he assumes that his coach’s rant has concluded and faces the ice again.
8) Eakins swipes at the sleeve of his suit with his towel and barks something else at Hall, which prompts Hall to swivel around to look at him once more.
9) Hall’s lips don’t move, so he makes no reply to Eakins.
10) Eakins hurls the towel at Hall, and it seems to bounce off Hall’s shoulder.
11) Eakins marches off down the bench, bellowing at Hall, and all the while combing his fingers through his hair and holding out his suit as if he had just been drenched by an ocean’s worth of water.
12) Hall retaliates with a shouted sentence or two.
13) Perron claps Hall on the shoulder, and, if my lip-reading abilities can be relied upon at all, advises Hall to “let it go” the way a college boy might tell his friend to ignore someone who’s spoiling for a brawl at a bar.
14) Eakins stalks over to snap something else at Hall.
15) Eakins yanks off his suit jacket and emerges from the locker room with a replacement one on for the next period.
16) Hall is benched for about sixteen minutes following this showdown.
17) During the third period, Hall appears to apologize for his water bottle tantrum, and Eakins responds with a pat on the shoulder.
18) In their post-game interviews, both Hall and Eakins (skip to about 12:40) indicate that their overall relationship is a positive one, and they’re prepared to move on from the situation without any resentment. Basically, it’s water under the bridge to them now, or, more likely, water over the bridge, since the dam has already overflowed and the suit has been ruined.

There are many things about the way this scene enfolds that trouble me. First of all, yes, I’m a bit bothered by the fact that Hall had his little water bottle tantrum. He is a passionate player, and I respect that about him. However, he is in the habit of smashing his stick and throwing water bottles around on the bench when he is aggravated by the numbers on the scoreboard or his team’s compete level. To be the true leader that Edmonton needs him to be, he must release the fury he feels in constructive methods on and off the ice. On the ice, he could enhance the physical dimension of his game with some more clean, powerful hits, and, on the bench, he could try to give a speech to stir up his teammates instead of indulging in petulant tantrums involving sticks and water bottles.

I don’t blame Eakins for being peeved by Hall’s tendency for tantrums, but there were about a million ways he could have handled the situation more maturely as a coach. He could have ignored the drops that landed on him and continued to focus on the game. He could have told Hall to channel his anger against the Flames rather than target random water bottles. He could have tried to ease Hall’s frustration by offering some encouragement. If he simply could not overcome his vexation about his wet suit and hair, he could have bent over to whisper in Hall’s ear how much he didn’t appreciate the impromptu baptism. That would have gotten his message across without distracting the entire team with his juvenile theatrics. Oh, and speaking of juvenile theatrics, if he thought that Taylor needed to be put in timeout for the water bottle tantrum, he could have just benched Hall and not hypocritically thrown a towel like a spoiled toddler himself. Unfortunately, as Eakins lacked the prudence to take any of the courses outlined above, we’re left examining the follies he did commit.

To begin with, I don’t think that it is necessary for Eakins to yell at Hall for the water bottle incident. Unlike Corey Perry deliberately provoking Patrick Roy with a squirt of water, Hall did not intend to get Eakins wet. The water bottle breaking was an accident, even if the throwing of it wasn’t. Eakins should not react as if Hall sprayed him on purpose. If he has any issue with Hall’s behavior, his focus needs to be on the frustration that was released by throwing the water bottle, rather than the water that was strewn everywhere when the bottle broke. It may seem like a pedantic difference, but it bears important fruit in practicality, because, if Hall deserves to be disciplined for anything it is his immature display, but his coach cannot teach him to channel his negative energy in more effective ways if the coach in question is busy engaging in theatrics of his own.

Speaking of theatrics, I think that Eakins should be nominated for an Emmy based on his exaggerated drying of his hands and hair. He acts as if a tsunami swept over him when he was only sprayed by a couple droplets of water. Seriously, victims of this prank handled being peed upon with more composure than Eakins displayed when sprinkled with water. Unless Eakins is a demon and the water in the bottle was holy, he over-reacted big time.

I find it disturbing that, even when Perron (who, in my opinion, is the only person in this situation who does not act like a brat at any time) suggests that his coach should calm down, Eakins continues with his rant. When one player takes issue with how you’re tearing into another one for something as minuscule as some water droplets on your tie, you might want to bite your tongue and at least consider saving the harangue for the locker room.

On that note, I disapprove of Eakins’ decision to carry on chirping at Hall after Hall has turned back to face the ice. By now, he’s rebuked Hall, who essentially accepted the reprimand without argument, and he should close the file on the incident before it becomes a full-fledged YouTube sensation.

Instead, of course, he baits one of his star players again and hurls a towel at Hall’s shoulder. This marks the point where I define Eakins’ behavior as officially more disgraceful than Hall’s. While it was immature of Hall to throw the water bottle on the bench, Hall did not intend for the water to shower over anyone, including Eakins, as the bottle breaking was an accident. Conversely, it is plainly on purpose that Eakins tosses the towel at Hall. If this gesture of contempt is meant to rile Hall, it’s just pathetic for a coach to seek out this sort of conflict with a player over a few drops of spilled water. If this display was meant to teach Hall to keep a clamp on his temper, it’s about as illogical and hypocritical as a parent spanking a child for hitting. Any way you slice it, throwing the towel at Hall was bad coaching and basically pouring gasoline over a fire that could have been banked.

As if throwing the towel wasn’t enough to express his ire, Eakins storms along the bench, combing his fingers through his hair and holding onto his suit jacket as if both were drenched instead of sprinkled. At this point, the entire scenario is so ridiculous that you can hardly blame Hall for saying whatever he does at this juncture. Players should respect their coaches, of course, but coaches should be a bit more waterproof than Eakins if they don’t want to sink in the NHL.

How Perron nudges Hall and tells him to “let it go” also makes me feel uncomfortable. It seems like he supports his teammate, but he is afraid of the conflict escalating. Essentially, he’s nervous that his coach doesn’t have enough control not to do something really stupid on television. That raises the question of what goes on in the privacy of the locker room when Perron is worried about what could happen on camera. Such a question would appear to be especially fair since in the postgame interview Eakins admits to having bigger blowups with players during his time in Edmonton. The Oilers’ locker room could be a very toxic place if shouting matches over these types of trivialities are commonplace there. Since Eakins’ reaction to the water bottle incident seems to be characteristic of his general coaching approach, it is more of a concern that he botched the situation so severely.

As far as benching Hall, I wouldn’t have an issue with Eakins punishing him for the tantrum if he didn’t have one of his own, and if he made it clear that Hall was being disciplined for not handling his frustration appropriately. However, Eakins acted in such a way that any objective observer would be forced to conclude that Hall was benched for getting his coach’s hair and suit wet. That would be hilarious if it weren’t such a sad indictment of Eakins’ coaching skills.

Now, some have claimed that Hall was benched for disrespecting Eakins, not for getting his coach’s hair and suit wet. In my opinion, this explanation is unlikely to be true, because, at the end of his rant, Eakins yanking off his jacket indicates that the main source of his rage is still the fact that his clothing is no longer perfectly dry. Besides, I don’t believe that Hall was particularly insolent in this exchange. By the time he answers Eakins’ fire with some of his own, he has remained silent through about three tirades and a thrown towel. That is more than enough punishment for spilling some water. A player isn’t required to withstand humiliation in the name of being respectful to his coach. There’s such thing as self-respect, too, and it’s important for a player to have that. Honestly, I think that Eakins was lucky that Hall didn’t flare up at him sooner, because many star players would have responded to a towel being thrown at them by their coach with much less graciousness.

I’m happy that, at least as far as the public is concerned, Hall and Eakins have metaphorically kissed and made up, but I still feel compelled to analyze what happened between them because it can teach us about how bad coaching looks. What Eakins did was terrible, selfish coaching pure and simple, so I believe that it needs to be exposed as that.
Eakins is not a coach prone to flying off the handle. That creates the expectation that when he does go off the deep end, it will be over something like Armageddon, and his rant will really rally the troops in an extremity. Behind the Oilers’ bench, the confrontation with Hall was the most incensed that Eakins had ever been, and what set him on fire? Getting his suit and hair wet. Not the dire prognosis of ignoble defeat on the scoreboard. His team could be trampled, and he would be placid as long as his fashion was still ready for a prance down the runway.

If a coach is going to be the cool as a cucumber type when his team is down by numerous goals, he shouldn’t explode like a grenade when he gets sprayed with a few drops of water. A calm coach should be controlled in almost all circumstances, and he should save his blowups for situations where he needs to make a strong statement to his team with a lightning flash of temper. I would support Eakins wholeheartedly if he ripped into his bench or a certain player on his team for a lackluster home performance against a rival, but I can’t get behind him when he bawls out a star player for accidentally dampening his suit and hair. Eakins’ explosion was not intended to inspire his team or motivate an individual player; it was just a petty release of the rage he experienced when he realized that his suit and hair had some water droplets on them.

Even if Eakins’ was more of a dragon as a coach, I wouldn’t approve of how he dealt with the Hall situation. The reason that many of us revere fiery coaches is that we know they only chew out their players because they are confident that the explosion is in the best interest of their team, and they would defend their players in an instant whenever necessary. A coach can be a yeller, but he can’t be selfish with his rants. He can scream at players for being lazy on the backcheck or for taking boneheaded penalties, but we don’t want to watch him barking at a player for accidentally getting water on his suit. His rage must stem from wishing for his team to succeed, not from concern over his wardrobe.

Perhaps, in the end, that is what is most disconcerting about Eakins’ run-in with Hall, and maybe that is the reason it has garnered so much attention from hockey fans. What Eakins did is a violation of the code of conduct that we expect from both cool coaches and fiery ones. That is, we anticipate that calm coaches will save their precious few rants for key moments when their team is underperforming, and the more passionate ilk will only fly off the handle for the good of the team, not to release petty personal grievances against a player. We feel punched in the gut, because Eakins cared more about his wardrobe than about his team being destroyed in an 8-1 blowout on home ice. That’s one thing coaches, regardless of style, are never supposed to do.

Surviving Wisdom Teeth Removal: Surgery Day

Two days ago, I underwent surgery to have four impacted, horizontally growing wisdom teeth permanently extracted from my mouth. Three of the teeth were bony impacted, and one was impacted with the soft tissue of my cheek, so the oral surgeon and I agreed at our consultation that it would be best for me to receive general anesthesia throughout my surgery so that I would be konked out and oblivious to the pain.

Since my operation was scheduled for two in the afternoon, I awakened at six thirty so that I could have a bowl of cereal seven hours before my surgery to tide me over, as I predicted that I would not wish to consume any food shortly after my operation for fear of nausea and extreme agony in the teeth region. I had a glass of water and a bowl of Fiber One Honey Clusters, believing that it would be healthy, reasonably light, and filling owing to the high fiber content. Then I went back to sleep for a couple of hours to prevent myself from burning a ton of calories and getting hungry. Around twelve-thirty I awakened to get out some last emails because I had no idea how long I would be too insane from painkillers to respond to routine messages. Then, around one-thirty, I started to get a little bit hungry again, but it was time to drive to the oral surgeon, so that was distraction enough from my empty stomach. I would recommend a cereal high in fiber to those with afternoon surgeries, as it was effective in keeping hunger at bay for several hours.

When I arrived at the oral surgeon’s, I, of course, had to complete the ritual of waiting for the doctor to be ready to see me, because doctors are never ready on time, but patients are forced to pay cancelation fees and endure condescending lectures from receptionists if they arrive so much as one second late for an appointment. Once I was admitted into the operating room, the nurse checked my vitals, hooked my arm up to a monitor, and asked me to sign a document acknowledging that I was familiar with the risks of general anesthesia. After examining and signing this paper, I returned it to the nurse, who affixed it to her clipboard, checked that I was not on any medications and had not consumed anything over the past seven hours, and then left the room, assuring me that the surgeon would be in to attend to me in a few moments.

I watched the muted television in the corner for what was, surprisingly, only a moment or two. Then the surgeon came in. He confirmed that I wished to have all four of my wisdom teeth removed and that I was otherwise in good health—a condition where it would be safe for me to receive general anesthesia. Once he had done so, he sprayed cool water on my hand so that I did not feel much of a pinch when he poked the IV into my vein. The IV pumped general anesthesia, an anti-inflammatory, and penicillin directly into my bloodstream, so I would not have to worry about taking any penicillin until around one o’clock in the evening. Your doctor should explain what medicines the IV sends into your vein, but, in case they don’t you or the driver accompanying you should ask this question, so you know what to medicate yourself with and when.

The anesthesia knocked me out practically at once, and I remember neither when I konked out nor anything about the surgery. All I know is that I woke up about an hour later with a numb jaw and gauze jammed in both sides of my mouth, staunching the blood flow from the wounds where my wisdom teeth had been. A nurse escorted me down the hall to a recovery room and brought in my dad, who was the driver who would take me home from surgery. The nurse described again what medicines I had received from the IV, gave me the prescriptions for the medicines that I need to take during my recovery, and described how I should use warm saltwater to rinse out my mouth after twenty-four hours. After about fifteen minutes of regrouping in a lounge chair, my dad guided me out of the office.

We drove back home, and I plopped onto a leather couch in the den with a blanket the instant I got back. Having heard from a friend that swelling was reduced considerably with a regular icing regime, I asked my little sister, who had just returned home from high school, to get me an ice pack from the fridge wrapped in a thin towel. I kept an ice pack on my face for the next five hours until I went to bed, altering the cheek it was on in ten minute intervals, and, the next day, my swelling was nowhere near as bad as it could have been, so I definitely advocate a stringent icing approach.

Every half hour I changed the gauze in my mouth. The bleeding was fairly substantial, requiring four changes before the bleeding finally subsided. While bleeding was in progress, I bit down lightly on the gauze (not strongly enough to produce pain) to create pressure to help seal the cuts. During this time, it was less painful to have gauze in the wounds, and changing the gauze was agonizing and tingling in the area where my wisdom teeth had been. However, this meant that it was a good alert that the bleeding had stopped entirely when removing the gauze did not hurt. Another way to monitor how much the bleeding is slowing is to check how soaked with blood the gauze you are removing from your mouth every half hour appears to be. It is advisable to have a garbage can near your bed or couch for hygienic disposal of these bloody souvenirs of surgery, by the way.

Fortunately, I did not need to make use of the extra gauze I procured from CVS, but I still recommend buying it. It’s better to have it, not need it, and return it unopened than to have to deal with the stress of not having all the material that you need to recover from surgery effectively. You’ll feel calmer and more in control if you are ready to deal with potential problems before they crop up, rather than having to attempt to invent solutions in a heavily drugged state not generally conducive to genius ideas.

Four hours after my return home, I took my first painkiller. Before swallowing the pill, I had an orange cream Danimo smoothie so that the medicine would not be reacting against the lining of my vacant stomach. The texture of the smoothie made it easy to swallow, so I would recommend smoothie as a good transition food on the day of surgery to help you wash down your pills. That being said, the citrus of the orange stung my wounds, so I would suggest that you refrain from anything with orange flavor while you have cuts in your mouth.

At around nine o’clock, before I went to bed, I decided to have a light dinner of a low-fat Yoplait Boston Crème pie yogurt (Yoplait has a lot of tasty fat-free and low-fat flavors, so I love this brand and will plug it obnoxiously) and a fat-free Banana Cream Pie yogurt that was also manufactured by Yoplait. Both of these yogurts went down smoothly and filled me up.

One o’clock in the night saw me waking up to my alarm to take pencilian and painkiller washed down by chocolate pudding, which caused no pain in the back of my mouth and was easy to swallow. I checked off the medicine I had taken on my schedule and drifted back to dreamland.

Overall Tips:

1)      Make sure that you are familiar with any medicine that will be given to you via an IV.

2)      Have a schedule for taking your medicine because in a drugged state your memory may not be the most solid thing in the universe.

3)      If you have any questions you want to ensure that you ask the surgeon, mention those questions to the driver who will be accompanying you to surgery, because, if you are too drugged to remember the question, your driver can ask it for you.

4)      Make sure you have a driver with you if you are getting laughing gas or general anesthesia.

5)      Be hygienic and change the gauze every half hour. Deposit the bloody gauze into a trash can and empty the trash as soon as you are done putting gory souvenirs in it. Don’t leave blood just hanging around in your living room or bedroom. That’s just gross and won’t help you feel better any time soon.

6)      Be honest about any medical problems that you have before you are getting medicine pumped into you by an IV. It’s not safe to get general anesthesia if you aren’t completely open about your medical history with your surgeon.

7)      Ice like crazy. It will reduce swelling and make the next day less of an ordeal.

8)      Drink as much water as you can. It will sting your cuts, but it will prevent you from getting dehydrated.

9)      Try to eat as many liquid foods as you can manage. It will give you the energy you need to fuel your healing.

10)  Don’t take medicine on an empty stomach if you can avoid it. It can damage the lining of your stomach, and you’ve only got one of those.

Safe Foods to Eat at this Stage of Recovery:

1)      Smoothies.

2)      Yogurt.

3)      Pudding.

Be Wary of Eating:

1)      Anything citrus flavored. It will produce much ouch with your wounds.

Meatless Fridays and Ashes on Wednesday: Why Catholics are Such Weirdos during Lent

As a Catholic reared in a predominantly Catholic Italian and Irish suburb of New York City, I basically grew up believing that the terms Catholic and Christian were synonyms. It wasn’t until history class in high school that I learned about other types of Christians like Protestants and Orthodox, and it wasn’t until I attended college in the heart of the evangelical south that I realized that there were entire denominations of Christians who were sincerely mystified by the elaborate Catholic rituals that I was brought up to love and appreciate. That doesn’t begin to cover the large numbers of non-Christians that are probably similarly baffled by our quaint Catholic devotions.

This post isn’t intended to convert anyone, to argue with any person of different religious persuasions (or no religious persuasions). It’s just a guide to what Catholics do during Lent and why, because, from an outsider’s perspective, I’m sure that the weirdness commences on Ash Wednesday when we come to work or school with dark splotches on our foreheads and continues every Friday with us scowling down at our lunch of PB&J as we fervently wish it was a ham and cheese sandwich. In a nutshell, the purpose of this post is to help non-Catholics understand the confusing world that Catholics inhabit and to give them useful tips to prevent them from putting their foot in their mouth when they speak to Catholics this Lent. There are over one billion of us with varying degrees of devotion in the world, so for a bit of insight into our wackiness I answer the subsequent FAQ’s and offer the following tips. Feel free to submit questions if you are still confused by any Catholic Lenten customs, and I’ll do my best to clarify some of our more peculiar ancient traditions. Now, getting down to business:

What is this Lent that you speak of? Is it another word for lint that I need to vacuum or something?

Nope, Lent is not another term for lint, but it does involve a sort of spring cleaning, so you’re on the right track if your mind went to vacuuming. Lent is a forty-day period of the Catholic liturgical calendar devoted to soul cleansing, repentance, and turning back to the Lord. Lent starts on Ash Wednesday and goes through Holy Thursday. Following Lent, there is the Triduum that includes Holy Thursday, Good Friday, and Holy Saturday. When Triduum ends, Easter Sunday arrives to the delight of Catholics the worldwide. Many Catholics commemorate Lent by fasting, donating to charities, attending the sacrament of Reconciliation, and giving up some treat or indulgence to connect with Jesus’ suffering on behalf of sinful humanity. This quick video provides a succinct and visual description of Lent, so you might find it enjoyable and informative.

Why forty days? Is that a totally arbitrary number or is there a deeper spiritual significance?

As homage to the forty days that Jesus spent in the desert in the Gospels and the forty years that the Israelites spent in the desert as depicted in the book of Exodus, Lent is forty days long. Therefore, it is not an arbitrary number, but rather a number selected for its religious symbolism within the heritage of Catholicism.

Why do you have ashes on your forehead? Don’t you know it looks like you forgot to take a shower?

Catholics go to a church service to receive ashes on their forehead on Ash Wednesday, the opening day of Lent, in order to demonstrate their sorrow for their sinfulness, re-commit their lives to Jesus to start a holy season that they pray will bring them closer to Christ, and to gain a reminder of their own mortality. When ashes are rubbed on a Catholic’s forehead by a priest or a deacon, the Catholic is either instructed to repent and believe in the Gospel or else to remember that we come from dust and we’ll return to dust.

Are ashes a sign that you consider yourself holier than others?

No way. It’s actually a sign of the opposite, because any Catholic walking around with ashes on his or her forehead is admitting that he or she is a sinner in need of God’s saving grace. Ashes indicate that a Catholic is sorry for his or her sins and is dedicated himself or herself to following the Gospel. They do not suggest that a Catholic thinks that he or she is better than anybody not walking around with ashes. Please don’t interpret this ancient religious behavior as snobbery when it is actually an act of abasement. It’s intended to be no more arrogant than kneeling or praying.

Why do you fast on Good Friday? Are you trying to starve yourself?

Catholics fast on Good Friday as a reminder of the pain Jesus endured on the Cross for all of humanity’s sake. The Catholic isn’t trying to starve any more than a Muslim fasting during Ramadan is attempting to die of hunger. The Catholic’s focus is on getting closer to God by focusing on the needs of the spirit rather than on the desires of the flesh. For this day, food takes a backseat to prayer. On days of fasting, it is also traditional to devote any money that would have otherwise gone to food to charity.

Why do you give up chocolate or coffee? Are you on some weird diet?

Catholics aren’t trying to lose weight by avoiding an indulgence like chocolate or coffee. This is just another small way that Catholics can show their repentance for their sins during Lent and can attempt to pay more attention to God by turning away from more physical desires to key in on more spiritual needs. That’s why you shouldn’t be offended if you offer us a Twix and we refuse you with a sad mutter about Lent. It’s nothing personal. It’s just our religion trying to build up our appetite for chocolate Easter eggs and bunnies.

Why can’t you eat meat on Fridays during Lent? Are you temporarily vegetarian?

Abstaining from meat on Friday is a typical penitential act during Lent, so you will see Catholics packing meatless lunches on that day, or else going with fish, since fish is not classified as a meat. You will also probably see some Catholics groaning when they realize that it’s Friday and all they have is a bologna sandwich for lunch, a sight that might provoke amusement and confusion in an outsider, but will invariably draw forth a sympathetic and similar story from a fellow Catholic. You’ll also see Catholics abstaining from meat on Ash Wednesday even though it isn’t a Friday, because it is a day devoted to fasting and repentance.

Got any tips on dealing with Catholics during Lent?

Of course I do. Here are some ways that you can avoid creating awkward moments with a Catholic during Lent:

1)      Don’t point and stare at the ashes on our foreheads on Ash Wednesday. We know that Ash Wednesday can be a bit of a “Spot the Catholic” day because we’ve all got these black dots on our foreheads like bullets, so we feel vulnerable to mockery, since we understand that America is a historically Protestant country. It’s as much a faux pas to gape at our ashes as it is to gawk at a yamaka, so just appreciate diversity and be grateful that your religion doesn’t require you to walk around with ashes on your forehead.

2)      Don’t tell us that we’ve got something on our forehead during Ash Wednesday. We are well aware that we have ashes there, since we stood on a long line to get them at a service devoted to that express purpose.

3)      If you know that we are giving up coffee or chocolate, don’t try to tempt us into eating these treats. Support us in what our conscience requires of us in this regard rather than seeking to undermine us, just as you would encourage a friend who was abstaining from dessert as part of a diet. Think of us as on a spiritual diet, instead of a weight one.

4)      Don’t ask us if we want to go out to eat at a steakhouse on a Friday during Lent. It leads us to sin and cardiac arrest.

5)      If we ask you whether eggs count as meat, the correct answer is no.

6)      If we ask you if fish counts as a meat, the correct answer is also no.

7)      If we moan about having to eat a peanut butter sandwich instead of a turkey one on Friday, just nod sympathetically and don’t expect a satisfactory response about why eating meat on a Friday in Lent is verboten for Catholics, since much of Catholicism is beautifully mystical and inexplicable. At least half of Catholicism is a celebration of our ignorance as human beings, and if you remember that when you’re dealing with our religious practices, a lot more will become clear to you.

8)      If our sandwich smells suspiciously like tuna, just wrinkle up your nose and suffer with us. It builds up blessings for you in heaven and strengthens your stomach.

Are there any more in-depth, theological videos on Lent out there for me to enjoy?

Certainly, thanks for asking. Mother Angelica, a well-known Catholic radio theologian, offers an interesting and intelligent lecture on Lent and Ash Wednesday that I think would be informative to Catholics and non-Catholics alike. Bishop Egan also recently published a gripping analysis of the pilgrimage that the first week of Lent represents. The archbishop of Philadelphia also has a shorter, nine minute, reflection on the meaning of Lent and why Catholics participate in rituals of fasting and repentance.  Hopefully, these links offer Catholics and non-Catholics alike some grounding in the more intellectual avenues of Catholicism.

This all sounds too intense for me. Are there any simpler explanations of Lent out there?

Yep. I’d recommend checking out a copy of Catholicism for Dummies (but not the Idiot’s Guide to Catholicsm, since that book is notoriously inaccurate), because it is easy to read and very reliable. For the best possible insight into what the Catholic Church teaches and why, you can access the Catechism of the Catholic Church online for free.

 

Surviving Wisdom Teeth Removal: Preparation for Extraction

Most people get their wisdom teeth removed sometime in high school or maybe in college, but my wisdom teeth didn’t start to grow in until I had graduated college and begun to inhabit the real world. At least they had the decency to come in while I was still covered under my parent’s health insurance, because getting your wisdom teeth taken out is one of the most expensive torture options open to humanity. In recognition of that fact, I’ve decided to compose a series of posts describing what I’ve done to prepare for my wisdom teeth extraction and how the process of my recovery goes.

The advice online about getting wisdom teeth out tended to be disorganized and fairly unhelpful. Even some of the allegedly informative paperwork handed me by nurses at oral surgeons’ offices was poorly edited and just not that helpful. That being said, I figured that I would try to organize what I’ve learned from getting my wisdom teeth out to hopefully be of assistance to others facing this painful operation.

I’m going to organize this post as a series of questions so a reader can skip to the ones that strike him or her as most relevant to his or her preparations for surgery, but I also tried to make each of the answers connect enough with one another that the post as a whole has some cohesion and can be perused with as much enjoyment as possible when the subject is something this icky and agonizing. Now, to begin with, there is the question of how on earth you know whether your wisdom teeth have to be removed, so without any further ado:

It seems like everyone and their annoying little brother is having their wisdom teeth yanked out. How will I ever know whether mine need to be removed?

Ideally, when you attend a regular check-up with your dentist, he or she should X-Ray your teeth. On the X-Ray, there should be signs that indicate whether your wisdom teeth are growing in, and whether they are developing in a fashion that would allow them to emerge from your gums in a functional way. If your teeth show signs of developing in that manner, clap yourself on the shoulder for winning the genetic lottery, and thank your parents for giving you such wonderful alleles.

However, if your wisdom teeth are developing in less cooperative ways, you should ask your dentist for a referral to an oral surgeon. When you arrange an appointment with an oral surgeon, he or she should schedule a consultation with you to discuss exactly which teeth need to be removed, how they will be extracted, why they need to be taken out, and what options are available to numb the pain during the removal procedure. From there, you can schedule an appointment at a latter date with the oral surgeon to extract as many wisdom teeth as necessary with the level of anesthesia you and your surgeon agree is best for your situation.

Obviously, that is the ideal situation, and, as those of us who have lived on this planet long enough to develop wisdom teeth tend to know, reality rarely fails to mesh with perfection, which, indeed, is why people like me have teeth that elect to grow in horizontally rather than vertically and require removal in order not to damage other innocent teeth. In some cases, your dentist may not be able to spot wisdom teeth growing in until they begin to cause you pain.

That’s what happened to me, unfortunately. I began to feel pain as something pushed against my back teeth, and, when the pain increased over a couple of days, I decided that I needed to see a dentist, because my wisdom teeth were probably coming in and in a way that didn’t seem to bode anything promising. At least I hoped that it was my wisdom teeth, because I didn’t want it to be gum rot, and, from my amateur dentist prospective, those seemed the likeliest of alternatives.

Anyhow, being a mature adult, I scheduled an appointment with my dentist to get X-Rays to investigate what was going wrong with my teeth. He confirmed that my wisdom teeth were indeed growing in as much as they ever were. Sadly, they were all growing in horizontally. Three of them were probably bony impacted, which, to translate from medical jargon, basically means that they were growing into the bone of other teeth, hence the pain I was experiencing in my jaw. The fourth tooth was soft (tissue) impacted, which, to translate into English, meant that it was growing into my cheek. Ouch. My dentist suggested that all four of my teeth would likely require removal and wrote me a referral to an oral surgeon. When I visited an oral surgeon, he ultimately confirmed that because my teeth were all impacted, they all needed to be extracted.

You will know that your wisdom teeth need to be extracted because X-Rays show signs of them becoming impacted, because they start causing you pain, or, if you hit the jackpot as I did, because both happen to you.

If one wisdom tooth needs to be extracted, do they all have to go?

 Here I can provide a bit of good news. The answer to this question is absolutely not. The only teeth that need to be removed are those that are impacted (or look like they may become impacted) as well as any that are causing you pain. It is entirely possible that you will only require one, two, or three teeth out, not all four.

Any oral surgeon that tells you teeth that aren’t causing you any problems and don’t seem likely to give you any in the future is looking to make an extra thousand dollars or so. Don’t trust him and let him rob you blind. Go see another professional in the field who isn’t trying to rip your face off so blatantly. You can’t trust someone who is looking to steal from you to do a good job on your surgery.

If my wisdom teeth aren’t causing me pain, do they have to be removed right away?

 Once again, I can be a beacon of hope in a dark matter, since the truth is: nope, you don’t need to have your wisdom teeth extracted right away if they aren’t being a pain in your mouth. You can schedule an appointment with an oral surgeon to have them removed at a time that is convenient for you. That means that you could arrange the surgery on a date that would require missing less work or school time. However, if your teeth are causing you pain, it is advisable that you schedule surgery as soon as possible, as this is likely a sign that your wisdom teeth are pushing against some of your other teeth. You don’t want the pressure from your wisdom teeth damaging other parts of your mouth or knocking your other teeth out of alignment. In the case of pain, getting the wisdom teeth out of your mouth as rapidly as possible is a matter of damage control on many levels.

Dental care in general and surgery in particular is expensive. What kind of financial help can I expect to get from my insurance?

 Every insurance policy is different, so I definitely advise all readers to check with their insurance agency before scheduling any surgery to make sure that they are getting all the benefits for which they are eligible. In general, though, most insurance companies will fund the removal of impacted wisdom teeth although you may be required to use the services of an oral surgeon in the agency’s network in order to reap this reward. Your company’s website will probably have a list of all local oral surgeons who are within the network, so you can research these surgeons, see whom you feel most comfortable trusting with your health, and arrange a consultation and surgery.

I recommend that you research who is in your network before arranging any appointments with oral surgeons, because it can save you time and money. It’s a waste of time to go a surgeon out of network only to realize that your insurance will only fund an operation conducted by a surgeon within network, or else it is a waste of money to get a surgery done only to discover that your insurance would have paid for it if only you had gone to a different surgeon. It’s definitely worth doing your research, because I only had a fifty dollar co-pay on a surgery that cost in excess of three thousand bucks.

You already pay for insurance, so you might as well research the benefits and take advantage of whatever ones are eligible for you. If you don’t have insurance, I suggest that you see if you can work out a deal with an oral surgeon who, based on your research, seems competent. Many medical professionals will charge reduced rates to those who are uninsured if you take the time to ask and investigate.

How do I pick an oral surgeon in my network to go to beyond just doing eeny-meenie-miney-mo?

I recommend that you research each local oral surgeon that belongs to your network online. You can see where they went to school and whether they are affiliated with hospitals. You want to select a dentist that went to a reputable university and who is affiliated with good hospitals. This will indicate that he or she is well-educated and has experience handling more complex oral surgeries. Age might also be a factor you wish to consider. A middle-aged lady or gentleman will have ample experience but will still be familiar with the latest research in the field.

When you meet the surgeon for the evaluation, examine the practice as he or she studies your teeth. Make sure the place seems concerned with being sterile and hygenic. You don’t want to get surgery in a place you aren’t comfortable is clean, since you are being cut up after all. Minimize the risk of infection by being alert to the cleanliness of the practice. No amount of credentials make up for sloppy medical conditions. Trust your eyeball as well as your research.

How do I decide between local anesthesia, laughing gas, and general anesthesia?

 The oral surgeon should discuss these options with you and should recommend the one he or she deems best for your particular situation. However, a rule of thumb is that local anesthesia works best when only one wisdom tooth is being extracted, and that general anesthesia is a wiser route when multiple teeth are being removed in one operation. Laughing gas tends to be used in conjunction with local anesthesia when patients aren’t sure about their ability to remain calm throughout the surgery. Local anesthesia will basically numb the area where your tooth is being removed, while laughing gas will keep you conscious but will make it so you aren’t really aware of what is transpiring. General anesthesia, the strongest option, will make you lose consciousness, so you won’t be cognizant of what is happening and will probably have zero recollection of the surgery. You may not, if you are anything like me, even remember the moment when you drift off to sleep.

If I choose to go with general anesthesia, should I be petrified of dying because it can be fatal?

 I totally sympathize with this question, since I was quaking in my sneakers when my oral surgeon indicated that the best option for me was general anesthesia. I didn’t want to die because I wanted to minimize pain during a wisdom tooth extraction, but the oral surgeon explained that I would still be breathing independently and that I would be hooked up to monitors the whole time. I would also be getting the procedure done outside of a hospital environment, so infection risks were lower. I’m also very healthy, so it seemed unlikely there would be any complications.

Under such situations, the risk of dying from general anesthesia is extremely low, although it still exists. You should speak to your oral surgeon about the conditions under which you would receive general anesthesia to ensure that you are comfortable with them, and if you aren’t, you should stick with local anesthesia and laughing gas. General anesthesia just makes the operation more bearable for you, but it is possible to get all four wisdom teeth removed without getting general anesthesia, though I’m confident that the procedure would be much less than pleasant.

If I receive general anesthesia or laughing gas, will I need someone else to drive me home after surgery?

 Yes, if you receive general anesthesia or laughing gas, you won’t be in a condition to walk steadily nonetheless drive safely post-surgery. In fact, most places will require that you be accompanied by a licensed driver to take you home after your operation if you receive general anesthesia or laughing gas. As such, it is important that you arrange for a relative or friend with a driver’s license to accompany you to your surgery, so that they can ensure that you reach home with no further damage done. It also might be prudent to have a friend or family member with you for at least a few hours after your operation to help you replace the gauze in the bleeding, gaping wounds where once your teeth were and those sorts of delightful tasks.

If I’m getting general anesthesia, are there any special preparations I should make?

 Apart from ensuring that you have a licensed driver to accompany you to your surgery and drive you home, you will also need to refrain from consuming food or drink for seven hours prior to your surgery. That includes water, which you are only permitted to take a small sip of if it is necessary to swallow a pill of some medication that you are on. Other than that, your stomach needs to be completely empty. In order to abide by this policy, if you have a morning surgery, you would be wise to sleep as late as you can to prevent yourself from getting really hungry by awakening early. If you have an afternoon appointment, get up early, eat a light breakfast (I had Fiber One Honey Clusters because fiber keeps you feeling full but a bowl of cereal isn’t particularly heavy) and then go back to sleep if you can so that you don’t get too hungry prior to the operation.

In addition to these dietary concerns, you should wear a T-shirt to the surgery, so that it is easy for an IV to be stuck in your vein so that anesthesia can be administered into your bloodstream, and so that monitors can be affixed directly to your arm without any awkward rolling of long sleeves. Your oral surgeon’s office should explain this to you, but, in case they don’t, I definitely suggest doing so, because it’s better to needlessly show up in a T-shirt than to have to deal with the hassle of wearing something impractical and having to roll up sleeves.

On that note, I advise you to wear what I term “slob” clothes, which is basically sweatpants and a T-shirt, because that will make you more comfortable when you are konked out. I wore college sweatpants, a tourist T-shirt from St. John’s in the Caribbean, and fuzzy socks I would normally never wear out of the house, but the comfort provided was worth the questionably fashionable appearance, in my opinion. Just remember you’re going to a surgery, not a pageant. Comfort for you and convenience for your doctor can totally be the first order of business.

Should I communicate with work or school regarding potential absences?

 You should absolutely do this. If your surgery is scheduled during work or school hours, go about getting permission to miss work or school for this medical purpose right away. As soon as I came back from arranging my surgery, I contacted my employers to let them know that I would not be able to work on the day of my surgery, and I would likely need at least one day to recover from the operation. Beyond that, I stated that I could not be sure of how improved my mouth would be and I would be keeping them informed about the progress I was making and when my return would be possible. Speak with your school or your employer as soon as possible to see how amenable they are to you missing class or work to recover, and if they need a precise number of days out or if they are fine with taking a more day-by-day approach. If surgery causes you to miss out on any of your usual obligations, it’s common courtesy and responsible behavior to provide work or school with as much notice as you possibly can.

Typically, people will be understanding of your plight as long as you attempt to keep them in the loop about what is going on with your operation and your recovery. My fellow librarians and the lovely mothers I babysit and tutor for have all given me more soup than I could eat in a year, for instance. That being said, don’t go overboard with details. It’s enough to say your mouth is swollen; you don’t need to dwell on all the colors it has turned. Save that for your surgeon. No need to gross people out unless circumstances demand it or they are your worst enemy in the classroom or the workplace. If they are, be as vulgar as you like for the fun of it, but don’t laugh too hard because that will probably hurt your mouth, taking all the joy out of vengeance.

Will I have to schedule a follow up appointment so the oral surgeon can check on my post-surgery progress?

 Yes. Be prepared for the fact that your surgeon will probably want to schedule a check-up two days or so after your operation. This is basically just to make sure that the surgery worked and that your mouth hasn’t become totally infected. It won’t be an insanely long appointment unless something has gone wrong with your recovery, and it is a great opportunity for you to ask any questions you might have about the healing process.

Will I need to rinse out my mouth after surgery?

Yep. You should start rinsing out your mouth twenty-four hours after surgery. Use warm salt water to cleanse the holes where your wisdom teeth were. Don’t use regular mouthwash like Act. That will sting the holes your wisdom teeth removal left behind. It’s probably a good idea to rinse out your mouth as often as you brush your teeth or more so if you feel your mouth is cleaner that way.

When can I start brushing my teeth after surgery?

 You should wait twenty-four hours after surgery before brushing your teeth. Make sure that you are gentle, especially near the back of your mouth, when you do brush, since you don’t want to tear out the stitches in your mouth.

Will there be stitches in my mouth, and, if so, will I need to make an appointment to have them removed?

 There will indeed be stitches in your mouth to help close the holes where your wisdom teeth were. Whether you need to get your stitches removed depends on whether the surgeon used dissolvable stitches to mend your wounds. If dissolvable stitches are used, they will disappear by themselves and will not require removal. However, if normal stitches are in your mouth, they will need to be taken out, and you will have to schedule an appointment to have that done. If your stitches require removal, don’t panic. It’s reputedly more of a funny sensation than a painful one when these stitches come out.

Will I need to take any medicine following the surgery?

 Yes. You will need to take the antibiotic penicillin twice a day—in the morning and in the evening–for two or three days to prevent infection. You also will be proscribed an anti-inflammatory that you will be expected to take every six hours until your supply runs out. Your surgeon might also prescribe painkillers for you.

Painkillers are optional, and you should not take them any more frequently than once every four hours. Just remember that painkillers are only effective because they prevent your brain from processing pain. Thus, they are useful only if you take them before pain becomes a major issue for you. Don’t wait until the pain is blinding you to take a painkiller because by then it will be too late for the pill to do you any good.

Since you will be on so many medications and the impact of these drugs can make your mind a bit muggy, it is prudent to devise a daily schedule of what medicines to take and when. Advil or Tylenol can also be helpful at reducing pain and swelling if you don’t want to take a full-fledged painkiller. Finally, since penicillin, especially accompanied by a liquid diet, has been known to result in diarrhea, it is worthwhile to consider stockpiling some medicines to deal with this eventuality in your bathroom cabinet. Try to avoid taking medicine on an empty stomach, since you don’t want the medicine reacting just against your stomach lining. Eat something before swallowing a pill even if it is only a yogurt or a pudding.

Now that I know what to stock my medicine cabinet with, what foods should be piled in my pantry?

 Unless you are toothless (in which case, I doubt you’d need to worry about getting wisdom teeth extracted) or have an OCD compulsion to only consume liquid substances, you, like me, might have wondered what in the world you were going to eat for a week or however long it takes to recover from the surgery now that most normal foods are off the table. Google search was surprisingly unhelpful in this regard, but in the end, I came up with the following list of items to procure at the grocery store which I will generously share with you free of charge:

-Pudding

-Mashed potatoes

-Jello

-Ice cream

-Smoothies (Stonyfield or Danimos)

-Eggs

-Applesauce

-Milkshakes

-Macaroni and cheese

-Fruit juice

-Waffles

-Pancakes

-Flan

-Custard

-Refried beans

-Dole fruit cups

-Cottage cheese

-Greek yogurt

-Jelly

-Soft breads

-Sorbet

-Gelato

-Frozen yogurt

-Hummus

-Guacemole

-Fresh fruits and vegetables for blending into smoothies or very pureed soups

-Broths and stocks (vegetable, beef, or chicken)

-Ramen

-Soups

-Baby food

-Milk

-Water (bottled or filtered)

All these foods assume a normal diet, but if you are lactose intolerant or a vegan, you can try to look for dairy-free milks, yogurts, puddings, and frozen desserts. Most major grocery chains are at least guaranteed to have soy milk, almond milk, or rice milk, which are worth getting because they will give you calcium, fill you up, and be easy to swallow. Vegetarians should just avoid meat broths, stocks, soups, and ramen flavors. Everyone should try to eat as balanced a diet as they can within the limits of what is not painful for them to eat and what will not hurt their recovery process. Getting vitamins and minerals from vegetables and fruits, as well as calcium from milk products (or their equivalents) is important for all people.

On the first day, you may be limited only to drinks like juice, water, and milk, as well as things that are easy to swallow like soup and yogurt or pudding. Later on, you will get to the point where you can eat more solid foods like eggs or macaroni and cheese. Don’t rush your recovery. Don’t force yourself to eat a food that requires more chewing than your mouth can manage. What a person can eat on a certain day can be extremely variable based on how severe the operation was and how well it was executed by the surgeon.

Now that I know what foods are on the menu, are there any foods I should refrain from eating?

 There are several foods that I recommend avoiding. They are the following:

-Chips

-Pretzels

-Chewy snacks like Gummy Worms

-Tomato sauce

-Tomato soup

-V8 juice

-All citrus juices and flavors

-Lemonade

-All lemony and tangy foods

-Nutella

-Peanut butter

-Spices

-Oatmeal

Hard, sharp foods like chips and pretzels can tear out your stitches, which will hurt the healing process. Chewy snacks, nutella, and peanut butter can all get stuck in the holes where your wisdom teeth were, risking infection or the ripping out of stitches. Lemon, spices, citrus fruits, and tomato will all sting the cuts in your mouth if you eat them. The tiny oats in oatmeal can get stuck in the wisdom teeth holes, again running the risk of infection or torn stitches. It may seem tempting to have a bowl of oatmeal or a PBJ, but I suggest resisting the urge for the welfare of your mouth.

What other items might I want to stockpile?

I recommend buying gauze to put against your wounds to staunch the bleeding. Even though your oral surgeon should supply you with a packet of them, it is always wise to have extra, and, if you don’t end up opening your box of gauze, you can always return it to Walgreens or CVS. In fact, Murphy’s Law will probably guarantee that if you purchase extra gauze, you won’t need it, so spare yourself the pain of a lot of bleeding by preparing in advance for it.

You’ll also want to make sure that you have ice packs, ice bags, or just loads of frozen vegetables to ice your cheeks with to reduce swelling. When icing, make sure you wrap the ice bag in an old shirt or thin towel. This will protect your skin from direct contact with the cold but will ensure that enough of the cold gets through to reduce the swelling. Keep the ice pack on each cheek for about five to ten minutes straight if you can stand the chill for that long. Icing after surgery will really help prevent swelling the next day.

Mandatory Important Disclaimer to Dodge Lawsuits in a Litigious Society: I’m not a dentist, oral surgeon, or insurance agent. The above blog post just reflects my pedestrian experience and advice. I strongly advise you to contact your dentist, oral surgeon, and insurance agent with any specific inquiries you have about your particular situation. This is just a post to assure you that you aren’t alone in your wisdom teeth suffering and to provide you with some guidance so you know what questions you might want to ask or how you might wish to prepare for a given scenario. Best of luck to anyone facing oral surgery, and I’ll keep you apprised of my progress so you know exactly how much my advice is worth…